Why Wait?

For years I’ve struggled with loving my body and after a lot of hard work, I’m very proud to say I’m an anorexia survivor. But over the last decade, I’ve learned that I want to be more than a survivor of anorexia, I want to fully liberate myself from the prison that is diet culture, fatphobia, body shaming, and the oppressive medicalization of fat bodies. I want to break all the rules that enforce the destructive and dangerous belief that only certain bodies have value.

But even after I was able to dismantle my anorexic mindset and free myself from unhealthy and life-threatening eating behaviors, I still policed my body with rigid rules and expectations. I told myself I couldn’t wear bikinis. I told myself I couldn’t wear crop tops. I told myself I had to hide my stomach. But as I’ve grown stronger in my sense of self and worked on my self-esteem, I’ve realized that I’m tired of these fucking made-up rules. If you spend your life hating yourself, who wins? Who benefits from that pain? I know it’s not easy, but why should we care about what other people think? My body’s purpose is to move me through this world on my terms. It does not exist for other people to try and control it.

Loving a body that doesn’t belong is truly liberating. If you haven’t experienced this type of trauma it might be hard to understand, but when I go to the beach and wear a bikini I am free. When I put on a crop top and eat ice cream in public I am free. When I wear dresses that show the shape of my belly I am free. Loving a body deemed “worthless” is an act of rebellion. It’s an act of power. To love yourself as you are is truly radical. You are worth it. You’ve always been worth it. Now is the time to live for yourself and love who you are.

Why wait?