Ink and Image: Tattoos that Heal

I started self-harming when I was seven years old. I found a pair of silver scissors in my medicine cabinet and they became an extension of my body. They were easy to hide and sharp enough to help me forget. Cutting was a distraction from my trauma. It reminded me that I was real. It gave me a sense of control. I decided when I would hurt and for how long. Cutting made pain predictable. Cutting helped me cope when I was kid, it was a tool for survival, but it wasn’t a sustainable behavior.

After things got better I knew I needed to stop. I needed to find other ways to cope than self-harm. I understood that cutting wasn’t socially acceptable but I still craved pain. Something that would make me feel alive, that confronted the numbness, that reminded me of my resilience. But more than anything I knew that I had to change. It took well over a decade but I finally started learning how to be kind to myself and how to choose healthy behaviors. My relationship with my body changed. My relationship with pain changed. I processed my trauma and was determined to find a way to live with pain that helped me love my body, not punish it.

The day I stopped carrying my scissors was the day I got my first tattoo at seventeen. Suddenly pain became pretty. Pain was structured. Pain was productive. I saw my body as beautiful, full of potential, a canvas that only I had the authority to decorate. I no longer carved notches into my skin but ink was etched into my back, arms, legs, ribs, and neck. I’m really proud of my tattoos. They are a storybook chronicling the decisions I’ve made and the things that I’ve been through. They signify a commitment to taking care of myself. They tell a story about reclaiming pain, reclaiming my body, of moving forward. Ultimately, it’s a story about love. A story that is more beautiful than it is sad.

“Ink and Image: Tattoos that Heal” is a documentary that explores the stories of people who have turned to tattoos in order to transform not only their physical bodies but their relationship with themselves. I’m so honored that I got to be one of those storytellers.