I can do this. Wait… I’m already doing it.

I started blogging a few years ago. I’ve always been a writer and after stockpiling pages and pages and pages of poems, stories, lyrical essays, and reflections ever since I was 15 years old, I finally decided to push them out into the universe. And it was really scary at first, to basically publish my vulnerability and circulate all of these secrets, but after a lifetime of stigma, shame, and silence every fiber of my being demanded the opportunity to be authentic. It was time to share my story and the parts of myself that I had kept so close for so long. To love myself meant to be myself.

I started this blog for me but it’s been pretty successful. I’ve had a few features here on Medium, editors of various publications have requested and published my work, an Italian newspaper even re-posted one of my stories, countless people have reached out to share their own experiences, and I think my friends and family have grown to understand me a bit better as well. This process has also boosted my confidence not only as a writer but as someone who can manage her bipolar disorder.

In the past two weeks I’ve gained an additional 200 followers on Medium which is a huge surge for me. It’s exciting but intimidating. People are reading what I have to say, I must be connecting with a larger audience, but I’m also incredibly nervous that I’m going to start disappointing everyone. That every good thing I’ve ever had to say has been written already. I know that this isn’t true but it is so easy to be bullied by anxiety and self doubt.

I just need to remind myself to keep writing, keep posting, and keep giving that 15 year old girl the chance to find hope in her own words.